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Post by momofautistic on May 20, 2004 17:18:55 GMT -5
Perhaps the true initiation of parenting a child with autism is the baptism by fire of the meltdown. Once just a scientific term in nuclear physics, the autism community has adopted the word. Seeing and experiencing the meltdown makes it quite clear why only this term would do. Dealing with meltdowns is a bit like dealing with a tornado: You have very little warning; about all you can do is ride it out.
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Post by momofautistic on Jun 6, 2004 18:27:16 GMT -5
Autistic Meltdowns Vs. Temper Tantrums If you need to explain a meltdown to someone who doesn't have a child with autism, just define it as a bad temper tantrum, and let the topic go. It is unlikely that the finer points of a meltdown will be understood. But, if you mention the word to parents who have children with autism, you will get knowing and sympathetic looks. Rest assured, your child is not the only one who has these rather unique behavioral issues. Temper Tantrums A temper tantrum is very straightforward. A child does not get his or her own way and, as grandma would say, "pitches a fit." This is not to discount the temper tantrum. They are not fun for anyone. Tantrums have several qualities that distinguish them from meltdowns. * A child having a tantrum will look occasionally to see if his or her behavior is getting a reaction. * A child in the middle of a tantrum will take precautions to be sure they won't get hurt. * A child who throws a tantrum will attempt to use the social situation to his or her benefit. * When the situation is resolved, the tantrum will end as suddenly as it began. * A tantrum will give you the feeling that the child is in control, although he would like you to think he is not. * A tantrum is thrown to achieve a specific goal and once the goal is met, things return to normal. FACT If you feel like you are being manipulated by a tantrum, you are right. You are. A tantrum is nothing more than a power play by a person not mature enough to play a subtle game of internal politics. Hold your ground and remember who is in charge. A temper tantrum in a child who is not autistic is simple to handle. Parents simply ignore the behavior and refuse to give the child what he is demanding. Tantrums usually result when a child makes a request to have or do something that the parent denies. Upon hearing the parent's "no," the tantrum is used as a last-ditch effort. The qualities of a temper tantrum vary from child to child. When children decide this is the way they are going to handle a given situation, each child's style will dictate how the tantrum appears. Some children will throw themselves on the floor, screaming and kicking. Others will hold their breath, thinking that (continued)
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Post by momofautistic on Jun 6, 2004 18:30:16 GMT -5
this "threat" on their life will cause parents to bend. Some children will be extremely vocal and repeatedly yell, "I hate you," for the world to hear. A few children will attempt bribery or blackmail, and although these are quieter methods, this is just as much of a tantrum as screaming. Of course, there are the very few children who pull out all the stops and use all the methods in a tantrum. Effective parenting, whether a child has autism or not, is learning that you are in control, not the child. This is not a popularity contest. You are not there to wait on your child and indulge her every whim. Buying her every toy she wants isn't going to make her any happier than if you say no. There is no easy way out of this parenting experience. Sometimes you just have to dig in and let the tantrum roar. Meltdowns If the tantrum is straightforward, the meltdown is every known form of manipulation, anger, and loss of control that the child can muster up to demonstrate. The problem is that the loss of control soon overtakes the child. He needs you to recognize this behavior and rein him back in, as he is unable to do so. A child with autism in the middle of a meltdown desperately needs help to gain control. * During a meltdown, a child with autism does not look, nor care, if those around him are reacting to his behavior. * A child in the middle of a meltdown does not consider her own safety. * A child in a meltdown has no interest or involvement in the social situation. * Meltdowns will usually continue as though they are moving under their own power and wind down slowly. * A meltdown conveys the feeling that no one is in control. * A meltdown usually occurs because a specific want has not been permitted and after that point has been reached, nothing can satisfy the child until the situation is over. Unlike tantrums, meltdowns can leave even experienced parents at their wit's end, unsure of what to do. When you think of a tantrum, the classic image of a child lying on the floor with kicking feet, swinging arms, and a lot of screaming is probably what comes to mind. This is not even close to a meltdown. A meltdown is best defined by saying it is a total loss of behavioral control. It is loud, risky at times, frustrating, and exhausting. Meltdowns may be preceded by "silent seizures." This is not always the case, so don't panic, but observe your child after she begins experiencing meltdowns. Does the meltdown have a brief period before onset where your child "spaces out"? Does she seem like she had a few minutes of time when she was totally uninvolved with her environment? If you notice this trend, speak to your physician. This may be the only manifestation of a seizure that you will be aware of. ESSENTIAL When your child launches into a meltdown, remove him from any areas that could harm him or he could harm. Glass shelving and doors may become the target of an angry foot, and avoiding injury is the top priority during a meltdown. Another cause of a meltdown can be other health issues. One example is a child who suffers from migraines. A migraine may hit a child suddenly, and the pain is so totally debilitating that his behavior may spiral downward quickly, resulting in a meltdown. Watch for telltale signs such as sensitivity to light, holding the head, and being unusually sensitive to sound. If a child has other health conditions, and having autism does not preclude this possibility, behavior will be affected.
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Post by momofautistic on Jun 6, 2004 18:32:22 GMT -5
Handling a Meltdown in Public Any parent who is raising a child with autism will tell you that meltdowns are most common in public locations. Stores, malls, fairs—anywhere there are a lot of people, activity, and noise raises the odds of a meltdown. It is common enough that many parents will do anything they can to avoid being in those environments with their child. To Market, To Market Inevitably your child will experience a meltdown in a large, brightly lit variety store. Every parent knows about these stores—the one-stop shopping that turns into an ordeal and fiasco. A parent related the following story about her son, and any parent of a child with autism will laugh and cry at the same time; they all know what this is like. "We went in for groceries and various items. It was a big shopping trip and I couldn't find a babysitter that day. I also couldn't put it off any longer. We did okay until we went by the home gardening section. A big, and I mean very big, lawn sprinkler was on display— a sprinkler that was a dead ringer for the tractor that my little boy loves, all bright green and yellow and just about the right size for him to sit on. At first he quietly asked 'tractor,' or, should I say, demanded it. I could see the look. I knew he had decided the tractor was coming home with us. And I knew it wasn't. His tone of voice raised and raised until you could hear the word tractor being screeched all over the store! We made our way to the checkout line, but by then, he was in complete meltdown. I am sure that they thought I was the meanest mom in the world for not buying my little boy a toy tractor. The meltdown continued into the parking lot and into the car; he was sweating, crying, screaming, and attempting to hit anything or anyone he could. He totally lost it. I was exhausted and so was he." She added, "I now make an extra effort to find a babysitter and have my radar up to scope out the aisles around us to avoid any more tractors." FACT If your child begins a meltdown by putting his hands over his ears or eyes, you can be sure he is experiencing sensory overload. He might even cover your mouth with his hand to prevent another sound. The best thing is to move him to a low-sensory environment; a dark, quiet, and cool place will help. This mom handled this situation well. She had shopping that had to be done; this wasn't an optional trip to the store. And once the meltdown was in full swing, she was almost done. It wouldn't have been convenient for her to leave the store and return later to redo an enormous shopping trip. She kept her cool, didn't give in, and didn't worry about the opinions of others while her son spun totally out of control. The Rudeness of Others The little boy with, or in this case without, the tractor had a real advantage that day. His mother was not threatened or concerned about the opinions of others. It has been said that parents of kids with special needs develop thicker skins, and it must be true. But regardless of how thick-skinned you are, an insult to your child cuts, and cuts deeply. For some reason, in public, many people feel it is their duty to point out (usually loudly) all of the mistakes they believe you are making in raising your child. This is even more common if your child is mentally challenged or if the child "expert" has no children. Just remember: You can't change the world; you can only change your little corner of it. How your child feels and how you affect his or her life are far more important. , Keep in mind that some people are receptive to learning and you may have a chance to educate someone about autism. There are also subtle clues you can use to notify people without saying a word that you have a child with some special needs. The tractor (continued)
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Post by momofautistic on Jun 6, 2004 18:34:08 GMT -5
incident brought out a creative action by the mom mentioned previously. She said that she liberally used sign language, even signs her son didn't know, as a way to communicate to observers that there was an issue with her son. QUESTION? Someone called my child a cruel name. Best advice? If they called your child a goat, it wouldn't make him one. However, it is hurtful and it shows the lack of knowledge by the general public. A simple explanation is wise if you feel the person is receptive. Otherwise, ignore it. They will move on to be miserable somewhere else. It is very common for people in environments such as the store with the tractor to stare and make comments that are very critical of a child in the middle of a meltdown. People will say things about you not controlling your child (or use unflattering words toward your child), and as much as you would like to throttle them in the heat of the moment, resist the urge. Excuse your child's behavior politely with the brief explanation of "he is disabled," and drop it. If a person persists in making comments and it is clear they are not interested in educating themselves, move yourself and your child to another location. If, on the other hand, it is staff at the establishment you are visiting who are making such snide comments, ask to speak with a manager. He or she needs to know that the staff is not equipped to understand a disabled child and steps can then be taken to educate personnel. Defusing a Meltdown Although it sounds like a cliche, the best way to handle a melt-down in progress is to defuse it. Sometimes that is much easier said than done, but it comes down to one simple sentence: Choose your battles. How you choose them will depend on your personality and your child's personality. When Your Child Understands When a child understands and manipulates a meltdown to get her own way, you are dealing with an intelligent child who can stop the behavior if it is caught in time. Keep in mind that a child with autism, regardless of how well she understands that her meltdown is not wanted, will not be able to control it once it reaches a certain point. The goal is to not reach that point if your child is cognizant of her behavior. 1. Recognize the signs that a meltdown is impending. 2. There is a certain trigger before the meltdown—determine what the trigger is. 3. If the trigger is fairly insignificant, such as him wanting to hold the red ball in the store, decide if it is worth it. A red ball is a small price to pay for a quiet shopping trip. 4. If the trigger is something that is not possible to resolve, such as the one in the tractor story, try to distract your child by moving to another location in the store and finding a reasonable substitute that will divert her attention. 5. If you are in a restaurant and a meltdown is approaching, reach for a new or very special toy you have hidden in your purse. Something complex, like a handheld puzzle, can work well. 6. As you are working to distract your child, speak softly to , him about his behavior and let him know that it needs to stop. Don't dwell on what he can't have at that moment, but reiterate that he needs to slow down and stay in control. Stay calm so he has no idea you are panicking over the thought that he might lose it. 7. Persist in any calming techniques that work for your child. Some children will respond to a hug while others will not want to be touched; this is a matter of "whatever works." You will not always be able to defuse a child bent on having a meltdown. If the cycle progresses and he reaches the point-of-no-return, you have two options. You can decide to ride it out or (continued)
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Post by momofautistic on Jun 6, 2004 18:37:05 GMT -5
you can leave the environment. Keeping in mind that this child understands that he entered into this situation of his own free will and that you asked him to stop, it is often more of a learning experience to ride it out. It is not the easiest thing to do, but the goal is to help your child acquire long-term acceptable behavior patterns. Much of riding it out depends on where you are. Right in the middle of a wedding may not be the best location to try to work with behavior modification. Other people, and those in certain locations, do have the right to have an undisturbed environment. However, in the real world, the everyday world, your child has to learn to operate in society, and society has to learn to deal with autistic children. It is more prudent to leave an area if others are being disturbed unfairly or the situation could become dangerous. When Your Child Does Not Understand A child who does not understand what type of behavior is wanted or expected of her is more challenging to deal with when a meltdown is about to occur. Parents will have the same warnings that they have with a child who does understand, but there is less they can do to stop the cycle. It is important to remain calm. Your child is already on a sensory overload and if you are upset, you will only aggravate that. Keep your voice even, quiet, and calm no matter what happens. • The primary tool a parent has with a child in this position is distraction. It is useless to try to reason with a child who does not understand that what he is doing is not acceptable. Molding a child's behavior through distraction and positive reinforcement will be a much more effective tool to stop the current problem and prevent future ones as well. Distraction is 50 percent preparation and 50 percent creativity. Preparation is the easy part. Mom or dad can put items they will use to distract their child in a backpack or tote bag to have on hand when the meltdown begins. When it becomes apparent that the fuse is just about burned out and the explosion is about to begin, being able to pull "the rabbit out of the hat" is your best bet. Comforting toys, such as a favorite stuffed animal, are wise choices, as are toys that are so fascinating that they just can't be ignored. QUESTION? Will I know if the distraction has things under control? There will be no question in your mind. Your child will either become engrossed in the distraction and the meltdown will fade away or she will use the distraction as part of the melt-down. If the child throws the "distraction" toy back at you, it is a sign that you need to get creative. Creativity is a bit more challenging. Think of toys your child enjoys and finds pleasure in. Every child is different; there is no "stop-the-meltdown-toy" available. Use the knowledge you have of your child and let his reactions guide you as you consider helpful distractions. Behavior Modification What is easier than handling a meltdown or defusing one? Avoiding it altogether. You may feel right now that you have little control over the tantrums and meltdowns, and it's true that you don't have total control of them. However, there are things you can do to minimize the frequency and severity of the outbursts. Working with a child's behavior is always the first step a parent should take. If you can modify the behavior that is undesirable, your child will be happier and those around him will be as well. Don't ever think you are being cruel by working to alter unacceptable behaviors. You will be met with resistance; no one likes to change, least of all a child with autism. But at times, change is necessary, and when a child has a predilection to tantrums, the behavior must be changed.
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Post by momofautistic on Jun 6, 2004 18:39:47 GMT -5
Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) ABA is one of the most widely used methods to treat children with autism. Dr. Ivar Lovaas, the founder of the Lovaas Institute, is the creator of ABA. His goal in working with children with autism has been to modify behaviors that are inappropriate and replace them with appropriate behaviors. As Lovaas developed his theories of behavior in people, the foundation of his work centered on how people treated one another—was it environment or genetics that caused people to act a certain way? By a twist of fate, he began working with children with autism and observed that modifying behaviors was not the difficult part. The hard part was keeping those behaviors solidly in place after the behavior had been successfully changed. Lovaas realized that the main difference in behaviors between children with and without autism was based on the way that children learn. Children who do not have autism are constantly learning. Even beyond school, every moment of every day is a learning experience for a child. Learning is a constant and dynamic process. However, a child with autism goes to school and for a prescribed number of hours each day, he learns things. When he returns home, the structured learning is over for the day and he retreats into his own world. Continuing ABA Therapy The key to modifying behavioral problems in a child with autism suddenly became obvious to Dr. Lovaas. A child could not come to the Institute, work on ABA, and then just return home after successful therapy was completed; the newly acquired behaviors broke down and everyone was back to square one. It may seem obvious now, but at the time, this was quite a breakthrough. Parents were taught how to continue the ABA therapy at home and permanent changes in behaviors were seen. If behavioral issues have had a profound impact on your child's life, and subsequently your family's life, behavior modification might be appropriate to investigate. See Appendix B for resources to learn more about this technique. Meltdowns and tantrums, if your child is inclined to them, will not disappear entirely, but with training and therapy, there is an excellent chance these outbursts can be reduced dramatically. Discipline Children must be guided into the proper way to behave. Discipline does not need to be an angry or negative experience. If handled properly, it can be positive and motivating for everyone. • Remember that positive reinforcement is much more effective than negative. • Make the discipline fit the severity of the unacceptable behavior. • Parents must be in agreement on what behaviors are to be disciplined and what is to be overlooked. • Each parent must share in discipline and not put the work on one parent exclusively. • Parents must have a policy on spanking, recognizing that to a child with autism it is just more violence. If spanking is used, it should only be when the child, another person, or pet is at risk of being harmed. • Verbal and physical abuse is not an option. Ever. It- is a good idea for parents to have a talk about how they feel about discipline. If a child throws a tantrum or has a meltdown and these decisions have not been made, it can be difficult to know how to handle it. When a child is midmeltdown is not the optimum time to be discussing child-rearing philosophies. Medications When a child is young and her behavior is unpredictable, it is miserable for her as well as everyone around her. Children with autism will often lash out physically, kicking, hitting, and/or biting, when they become angry. And, unfortunately, anger seems to be an emotion (continued)
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Post by momofautistic on Jun 6, 2004 18:40:52 GMT -5
that they easily display. If your child does this, take heart; you are not alone. It is a common behavior seen in children with autism. There are several medications used to help in the control of unpredictable behaviors that children with autism will display. Parents are often reluctant to use medication, which is a prudent decision in most cases; however, there are times when medication is appropriate and even necessary. It is vital to remember that an out-of-control child is not a happy child, and that child needs your help. You have not failed as a parent if you and your physician decide medications are appropriate for your child. ALERT! A common medication used for aggression is risperidone. If your child is on this treatment, watch for excessive weight gain and facial tics. If either of these occurs, visit your physician to decide if the dosage needs to be adjusted. If medications are prescribed for your child, and you are concerned about side effects or long-term use, talk to a pharmacist at length about your concerns. A pharmacist is one of the best resources available for a discussion of these issues as well as for advice on what over-the-counter medications are safe for your child to use. In a support group meeting, ask other parents what medications they have used and how they feel about them; a support group can be very helpful as a medication becomes part of the routine.
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Post by whitequeen96 on Mar 19, 2005 15:29:50 GMT -5
OMG, I'm so glad I found this thread! I have a very mildly autistic son (age 8), whose main problem is these meltdowns. He had one 2 summers ago where he actually cleared a park! Everyone was frightened by the way he acted (it was obvious something was seriously wrong with him) and they hurried their children away. I can't blame them!
The worst part is that I've been dealing with his special-ed teacher, a supposed expert on autism, who claims that these meltdowns are my fault! Since he is a really good boy (too good!) 95% of the time, and I make sure he gets enough sleep, eats well, and avoids too much stimulation, I can't see who this can be. My belief is that tension just mounts in him over a period of time, and then some sort of sensory overload (normally handled quite well) just pushes him over the edge. He seems to have these every 6 months or so, so I know I'm lucky it's that rare. But they really do wipe me out for several days after.
Thanks for having this website! I will have to explore it further and tell my friends about it.
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Post by momofautistic on Mar 22, 2005 3:07:26 GMT -5
you are very lucky, my son used to have atleast one meltdown a day but is now down to about one per week. OMG, I'm so glad I found this thread! I have a very mildly autistic son (age 8), whose main problem is these meltdowns. He had one 2 summers ago where he actually cleared a park! Everyone was frightened by the way he acted (it was obvious something was seriously wrong with him) and they hurried their children away. I can't blame them! The worst part is that I've been dealing with his special-ed teacher, a supposed expert on autism, who claims that these meltdowns are my fault! Since he is a really good boy (too good!) 95% of the time, and I make sure he gets enough sleep, eats well, and avoids too much stimulation, I can't see who this can be. My belief is that tension just mounts in him over a period of time, and then some sort of sensory overload (normally handled quite well) just pushes him over the edge. He seems to have these every 6 months or so, so I know I'm lucky it's that rare. But they really do wipe me out for several days after. Thanks for having this website! I will have to explore it further and tell my friends about it.
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Post by takia27 on Jun 25, 2005 15:49:34 GMT -5
My name is Takia and I am the mother of a 5 year old autistic son. These meltdowns are not fun at all!!! I never know when he will completely melt down and it is very stressful when in public. Sometimes I can counteract the meltdown before it begins,but once he is in the throes of his meltdown there is no pacifying him and I feel like tearing my hair out at the roots or joining him in his meltdown with one of my own.I'm glad to know that there are other parents out there who know and sympathize with me. Unlike strangers,who have absolutely NO idea what it's like, I feel I have found a sympathetic venue here.
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Post by momofautistic on Jun 26, 2005 23:43:53 GMT -5
Welcome Takia yes I do sympathize with you totally!
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Post by Kim on Jul 24, 2005 21:41:17 GMT -5
Hello. My name is Kim and I'm the mother of a 4 yr. old PDD-NOS child who just recently started suffering from tantrums. My question is do these things come and go? Why is this starting so suddenly? I know I should be referring these questions to a dr. (which I will) but I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced or has some answers based on their own experience. By the way, I love the site and it has helped me tremendously with knowing that there are others out there like myself. Why can't we run into mom's like "us" when these meltdowns occur???
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Post by cor on Jul 25, 2005 13:55:31 GMT -5
Man, can I relate! My son was diagnosed with mild autism. He can vocally express himself with no problems, but when he doesn't get what he wants, he melts down. Lately, it seems to be getting worse. He will suddenly go into a meltdown just when first asking for something simple like a drink (the tractor story is JUST like my son) He will start with "drink please" and then repeat it over and over again louder and louder until he is screaming and running through the house in an uncontrollable rage. All of this within seconds before I can even get up to get him his drink. There seems to be nothing that would set him off. He'll just be watching television or playing on the computer and then he'll go into the before mentioned actions.
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Post by momofautistic on Jul 26, 2005 19:07:37 GMT -5
we can all relate
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Post by momofautistic on Jul 26, 2005 19:14:04 GMT -5
kim, i dont know why your child waited till age 4 to start them. my son started it by the time he was 2. he would get mad when he didnt get his way and he would slam his head on the ground.
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Post by Susan on Aug 8, 2005 7:21:45 GMT -5
Hi I have a little boy whose almost six and has just this last while started with bad meltdowns. I don't know how to handle them and I'm very conscious of other people. He's very mildly autistic plays with other kids and loves cuddles & kisses and for the best part is really good. He has 'social communication difficulties' but he tries so hard his speech therapist reackons he knows and that's why he tries so hard. He has an amazing volcabury and gets simple jokes and even the odd bit of sarcasm these days, really he's a honey, just sometimes I don't know what to do, we haven't had much guidance since his diagnosis in March.
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Post by momofautistic on Aug 9, 2005 20:16:20 GMT -5
susan, just be grateful it is only accassionly but another thing is try to figure out what causes these meltdowns, what took place right before the meltdown? sometimes the meltdown can be avoided before it happens. sometimes meltdowns accure from to much stimuli going on all at once and can be neatrulized simply by taking the child to a quite zone.
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Post by stacey on Aug 25, 2005 13:47:17 GMT -5
I know this string is a bit old, but I have to add my comment here. I have a 3 yr old who was diagnosed with PDD/NOS and Sensory Integration Dysfunction last year. He has come a long way over the past year due to a very intensive ABA program, OT, PT and speech therapy. We have been experiencing temper tantrums for quite some time, although he has been physical, hitting, kicking, biting, pinching, we have been able to handle them. The tantrums have begun to be more infrequent and purposeful, however, last evening my husband and I experienced a "meltdown". I was scared this was something out of the ordinary and spent most of the day on the telephone and searching the web for answers. Our child turned into what I can only term a "wild animal" last night. I have never seen such an outburst from this loving, happy child. My husband and I spent hours last night trying to figure out what precipitated this meltdown and came to no grand conclusion what would have lead up to such an horrific tantrum. Although I believe your term of "meltdown" much more descriptive than a tantrum. There was no want denied, he just lost it and as the meltdown progressed, he became increasing violent with no regard to his own safety whatsoever. He tried numerous times to bite my husband by violently lashing out with his mouth with teeth bared. I have a call into his neurologist, but I feel better after reading the string above. My husband and I utilized the STEP method with regard to our son's behavior and have found this to be the best method when dealing with him. You have to modify the STEP methods to some degree dependent upon your child's level of understanding, but it does work quite well with regular tantrums. I don't believe anything can possibly help a meltdown. Sorry for such a long message, but I guess to actually have an ability to share this with people who understand, and to not be judged that this behavior is a result of poor parenting, is a pleasant experience. Thank you for this venue to express the ups and downs of parenting an autistic child. It is a parenting experience like no other, with very few parents to share your experiences, what works and doesn't, the incredible ups and downs, the accomplishments that most parents take for granted. THANK YOU!
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Post by momofautistic on Aug 25, 2005 20:34:45 GMT -5
stacey, i completely agree with you , it is a parenting experience like no other and sometimes what starts out as a temper tantrum turns into a meltdown simply because the child doesnt know how to calm himself or how to make the transition back into pleasent mode.
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