Post by stepfather on Mar 23, 2005 17:17:14 GMT -5
I will soon be moving in with a woman who has an autistic 8-year-old son. He is a fine boy who, at least to me, seems perfectly "normal" (whatever that is). He received intensive therapy upon diagnosis at age 3, is not in special ed and does fine academically. I suppose he fits the category of HFA. I once saw him hit himself in the head a few times out of frustration when he failed to do well in a board game--the behavior stopped almost immediately when his mother asked him "Please, stop." On another occasion, he broke down in tears and was inconsolable for perhaps 10 or 15 minutes after failing to do well at another board game (Operation)--all she could do was hold him while he cried it out. So far, these are the two "symptoms" I've seen. Unfortunately, we do not (yet) live in the same city, so I only have a chance to see him for a couple days every month or so, so I'm sure I'll be seeing more when I move in June. His mother says he is easily frustrated and prone to meltdowns when he doesn't win at a game or can't master a skill like riding a bicycle--in short, he's a poor loser. We get along well, and I enjoy spending time with him--he's well-behaved, smart, polite and funny. Indeed, if his mom hadn't told me about his diagnosis, I never would have guessed. I'm now reading everything I can on autism to prepare for this move.
After reading a recent article in the New York Times about the difficulty HFA kids have in mastering social skills, I'm concerned about the next few years. According to this article, kids who do fine academically nonetheless suffer tremendously as their peers form cliques and begin ostracizing those who are perceived as different, sometimes to the point where they must leave mainstream schools. Which leads to my immediate concern/question: I'm worried about this boy's weight and the playground taunts ("Fatty, fatty, two by four...") that may be in store. He is significantly overweight, gets little exercise and eats nothing but chicken nuggets, french fries and sweets. I've spoken about this with his mother once, and it was an unpleasant, albeit, short conversation, which is why I haven't brought it up again. Her ex-husband (his father) also recently said he needs to go on a diet, and that upset her. She's doesn't want to do or say anything to him that would damage his self-esteem, and her feeling is that his self-esteem would suffer if she told him he needs to lose weight. My reaction was, his weight will likely prompt cruel playground taunts, and it's better that he address the issue now with the help of his loving mother (and she is a FABULOUS mother) because, sooner or later, his weight will become an issue in social circles and a weight-based blow to his self-esteem is inevitable. I should add that she told me he had a meltdown a couple months ago in a restaurant when he wanted the usual chicken nuggets and she encouraged him to try something else.
Am I right to be concerned about this issue? Should I just defer to her judgment and not bring this up again? Obviously, she knows him a lot better than I do. And, like I say, she's a really, really good mother--attentive, understanding, kind, knows the system and makes sure he gets the best education and therapy possible. And my position is somewhat touchy, not being his parent--I have no good answer to the "You can't possibly understand or know anything about child-rearing because you don't have kids" line of argument. I want to give him all the support and help I can, but I also want to head potential problems off at the pass and make things as easy as possible for him.
Any advice or suggestions would be most welcome.
After reading a recent article in the New York Times about the difficulty HFA kids have in mastering social skills, I'm concerned about the next few years. According to this article, kids who do fine academically nonetheless suffer tremendously as their peers form cliques and begin ostracizing those who are perceived as different, sometimes to the point where they must leave mainstream schools. Which leads to my immediate concern/question: I'm worried about this boy's weight and the playground taunts ("Fatty, fatty, two by four...") that may be in store. He is significantly overweight, gets little exercise and eats nothing but chicken nuggets, french fries and sweets. I've spoken about this with his mother once, and it was an unpleasant, albeit, short conversation, which is why I haven't brought it up again. Her ex-husband (his father) also recently said he needs to go on a diet, and that upset her. She's doesn't want to do or say anything to him that would damage his self-esteem, and her feeling is that his self-esteem would suffer if she told him he needs to lose weight. My reaction was, his weight will likely prompt cruel playground taunts, and it's better that he address the issue now with the help of his loving mother (and she is a FABULOUS mother) because, sooner or later, his weight will become an issue in social circles and a weight-based blow to his self-esteem is inevitable. I should add that she told me he had a meltdown a couple months ago in a restaurant when he wanted the usual chicken nuggets and she encouraged him to try something else.
Am I right to be concerned about this issue? Should I just defer to her judgment and not bring this up again? Obviously, she knows him a lot better than I do. And, like I say, she's a really, really good mother--attentive, understanding, kind, knows the system and makes sure he gets the best education and therapy possible. And my position is somewhat touchy, not being his parent--I have no good answer to the "You can't possibly understand or know anything about child-rearing because you don't have kids" line of argument. I want to give him all the support and help I can, but I also want to head potential problems off at the pass and make things as easy as possible for him.
Any advice or suggestions would be most welcome.